Author: Lin Junxian
“I like you. I think you are very pretty.”
A young man walked up to my friend and said this — to a complete stranger — with the quiet confidence of someone who saw no reason not to. My friend, caught off guard, smiled politely and nodded her thanks.
This happened during a volunteering event here in Singapore, where my friend and I spent time with autistic youths. Ben (not his real name) had simply noticed my friend was attractive and wanted her to know. No hidden agenda. Just an honest observation, plainly expressed.
For many of us, that directness might feel socially out of place. Researcher Damian Milton calls this the “double empathy problem” — the idea that communication difficulties between autistic and non-autistic people arise from a mutual mismatch in social styles, not a flaw in the autistic person alone (Milton, 2012). Ben meant no harm. He simply said what he felt, in the way that felt natural to him.
But here is where the story gets interesting: that very same trait can also be a strength.
Autistic individuals tend towards a refreshing, almost radical honesty. What you see is what you get. There is rarely a hidden motive behind their words or actions — and once you understand that, it is deeply reassuring.
This became clear as I spent more time with Ben. He told me about his internship, where he had spotted defects on boxes that his fellow interns missed entirely. It was not luck — it was how his mind works. Research on autism has long documented this detail-focused cognitive style, describing it as a genuine perceptual strength rather than simply a deficit in seeing the bigger picture (Happé & Frith, 2006). Ben follows routines with great precision, and small irregularities naturally stand out to him. He was often the fastest to complete his tasks, not by rushing, but by trusting a method and sticking to it. His supervisors considered him a model intern.
Ben is not alone. Mary (not her real name) works at a commercial laundry facility, sorting hotel pillow cases and laying them precisely into ironing machines — for hours, with quiet pride and exacting standards. When she sees a colleague doing the work less carefully, she will say so directly, or step in and fix it herself. This does not always make her the most popular on the floor, and her supervisor works patiently to help her navigate those moments. But when Mary is on shift, he does not need to wonder about quality. He already knows.
Ben and Mary reflect something worth remembering: the same traits that can make life harder for autistic individuals in some settings are often what makes them exceptional in others. Their honesty, focus, and eye for detail are not incidental — they are core to who they are.
The next time you meet someone who seems unusually direct or takes their work unusually seriously, pause before you judge. You may be in the presence of someone who experiences the world with a different kind of clarity — and who has far more to offer than meets the eye.
References
Happé, F., & Frith, U. (2006). The weak coherence account: Detail-focused cognitive style in autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 36(1), 5–25. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-005-0039-0
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
